Remembering “Those Days” That Make Us MOM

Crying, instead of her alarm, woke her up this morning. After two days at home caring for a sick child and new baby, it was apparent that today would be day three. The park playdate would have to be cancelled that morning. What she wouldn’t give for some social interaction! Instead, it would be day three of “mommy, I need you” with no time for herself or to even touch the disaster that was her house. Slowly she brought herself upright with feet on the floor and desperately said under her breath, “God, help me today.”

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We can all relate to the scenario above, even if the details are different.

On Mother’s Day, we take time to get “photo ready”, our kids dress up, they give us gifts that they picked or made, maybe there will be a card or flowers from a spouse or friend. We go to brunch, smile, take pictures, and talk about the best moments.

But it isn’t those precious moments that bring us through each year to a new Mother’s Day as loved ones celebrate the mom we are–the mom we have become.

So to the mom with the sick kids, the mom getting daily phone calls from school, the mom with a child with a disability, the mom fighting depression, the mom struggling with rage, the mom suffering chronic pain, the mom facing fertility treatments, the mom who feels alone, you are not alone and I believe Mother’s Day is a day that we remember the struggle that has transformed us from woman to mother.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)

In God’s hands, he will redeem those days and nights of motherhood that seem endless, the apologies given after we yelled at the kids, the pain of learning unconditional love after a child rejects us, the daily unseen care for the child who has so many more needs than his peers, the loneliness of parenting alone. God redeems what could have been meaningless pain into the ingredients he will use to make us the people and moms he has created us to be, moms filled with freedom, love, joy, hope, and boldness.

We can have hope, even in the struggles of motherhood when we ask for help because His “Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” (Romans 8:26)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

If you are in a season of precious moments, enjoy it wholeheartedly, being fully present and thankful for the time of refreshment and joy!

But for those in a season of struggle or pain, God sees you and will sustain you, if you let Him. And when you look back, instead of seeing a series of bad days or weeks, you will see milestone moments when you came through the struggle with greater strength and grace to become more of the mom and person you were destined by God to be.

This Mother’s Day is for you, remember the unforgettable moments that make you MOM!

30: A New Chapter

I had thought about May 3, 2015 since I was a kid, knowing that it was the date I would turn 30. It seemed so far away, and now it’s here. I wondered what I would be like, what I would feel, where I would be…

My original plan for crossing the 30th birthday milestone was Las Vegas and Britney Spears, naturally.

But with family circumstances like toddlers and pregnancies, that idea was crossed off the list.

To be honest, I pouted a little bit.

What does all the above have in common? Me, me, me, me.

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God has been working in my heart and my life in a major way this year. Some of that work has been bringing areas of weakness to light.

I’ll just be really honest, I have been prideful, judgmental, closed off, unavailable, distant, and self-obsessed.

So this year, I felt it on my heart to not be self-focused on my birthday. To give my gifts away, to put others first, to remember and celebrate what God has done these past 30 years.

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. There were several things that came up disrupting the limited plans we had made as a couple/family and I felt indignation rise up until I remembered this year’s commitment.

The major thing I did was make a Lifemap. (I was given the instructions at a breakout session at the Bayside Women’s Conference given by Dr. Judy Ten Elshof from Biola University’s Talbot School of Theology.) For the past few weeks I wrote every major life event, significant person, and circumstance onto post-its and arranged them into chapters of life. The negative events were given a different color, yellow. Today I went through the phases of ministry revealed, lessons learned, life values exhibited, and wrote a mission statement.

It is amazing to see the way God shapes and crafts our lives through experiences, setbacks, pain, and the influence of others. I was told to pay attention to pain because that’s usually where a transition to something new takes place. Ironically, it was mostly the yellow post-its that jumped out to me, that had the most poignant lessons and, in retrospect, I am most grateful for.

Thank you Jesus for closing doors, for teaching me love and compassion through pain, for brutal truth, for empathy through experience, for painful experiences with others that taught me that only YOU can sustain and save me and that expectations should be replaced by grace.

And thank you to the people and friends who were truth tellers in my life, even if it was just one small conversation. If you don’t have people that love you enough to tell you the truth about yourself, find them.

While the first 30 years of my life were about me, I want the rest of my life to be about God and loving others.

Life is too short and becomes meaningless the more we make it about ourselves.

The frustrating moments that sanctify us

He was running over his meeting notes in his head while he drove down the freeway to the bay area for his first client meeting of the day. He needed a win for his family. He had prayed over the morning and was thinking about the verse I gave him the day before.

All of a sudden he heard a loud sound and the car starting driving with a plodding thud, thud, thud. He pulled off to find one of the back tires completely blown out. Thankful it didn’t cause an accident, he quickly changed the tire. Driving with the spare, he calculated that he was going to be an hour late for his first meeting.

In the past, this incident would have thrown off his entire day and ruined his focus, but God had been working in him over the past few weeks. Somehow his renewed trust in God allowed him to maintain his focus and confidence for the day ahead.

Meanwhile, I was at home late that night watching the clock as the tire had caused him to run four hours behind. I had missed an appointment, missed a date night hearing a fun speaker at church, and my thoughts were starting to move to frustration and anger.

As I looked at my son, I realized that he was always going to be watching me and learning from me, especially how I respond to setbacks. I had a choice to continue fixating on what went wrong that day, what should have happened, my frustration, disappointment… or choose to submit my mind to God and take on an attitude of thankfulness. Thankful that my husband works so hard for us, thankful God kept him safe while on the road, thankful that he would be home soon.

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Sanctification is the process of becoming more like Christ by submitting our hearts, thoughts, words, and actions to Him.

“People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b)

I remember being a young adult and doing an “urban plunge” for a weekend when we ate and spent time with the homeless–we became one of them. We went through the meal line one night and a church group was serving dinner. The people didn’t look up or smile at the homeless men and women they were serving. Their hearts were hard while their hands were busy.

Service and ministry are important in the Christian life. Jesus commands us to serve Him by serving one another. To honor Him, we commit blocks of our schedule to serving Him.

We take our family to church, we volunteer, we go on a mission trip, we donate clothes and food, we serve the needy, we take opportunities to teach others about Jesus.

But maybe we become more like Christ in the moments in between that aren’t planned. When someone cuts us off in the church parking lot, when the kids are screaming in the backseat, when no one thanks us for volunteering, when we break down on the way to our mission trip, when the person we’re serving curses at us, when we’re patronized or assaulted with arguments.

Those are the moments when we tend to react, but if we choose to submit our thoughts and feelings to God, our hearts and minds will be transformed.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2a)

 

Hearing Jesus Above the Noise

Photo by Nancy Heath

Last night I had two dreams. In the first one I was driving around a desert area near Los Angeles and saw three worship services side by side: a Jewish service, a Muslim service, and a Greek Orthodox service. First, the Jewish leader put out a call to worship, then the Muslims, and then the Greek Orthodox began their service. It was almost impossible to distinguish one from the other since they were happening at the same time.

In the next dream, I was in Jerusalem at night with my husband. We were driving around the city and checking into our hotel. I could feel the excitement of being in that ancient city and wanting to walk the old streets and sites. I suddenly woke up (my son was crying for me in the other room) and had a brief vision of Jesus appearing in person in Jerusalem under an archway. I paused for a minute, taking in how incredible that would be to see! Then, the realization hit me that I miss out on Jesus almost daily.

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Every day, God wants to speak to me, to each of us. Even when I’m going through my mundane routine in my messy house with my active toddler and I’m half a world away from the Holy Land. Unfortunately, I let my complaints and distractions become louder. I concern myself over the current trivial issue that is being kicked around on the social newsfeeds. During a free moment, I seek a break or an escape instead of connection.

How much have I missed?

I’m guilty of trying to do things out of my own power (which isn’t much) and trying to see the big picture of my life and where I should direct it to go (which is like trying to navigate a foreign land blindfolded).

All that I am given is this day. Last week at Bible study I wrote down this quote from the teacher speaking about the book of Daniel, “We’re in Babylon. We can concern ourselves with today and leave the rest to God.”

So even though I am not anyone special and I’m not visiting any ancient landmarks anytime soon, I am trying to look for signs of Jesus in this day that I’m given even when everything around me feels so ordinary. God loves to show up in ordinary.

“Abruptly Jesus broke into prayer: “Thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. You’ve concealed your ways from sophisticates and know-it-alls, but spelled them out clearly to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that’s the way you like to work.” (Matthew 11:25-25, MSG)

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.” (Romans 12:1-2a, MSG)

Messing Everything Up

As a young child, I liked order, I liked things done MY way. I would often play by myself because I didn’t like the games that other kids were playing.

When I was about four years old, I was playing with a Fisher-Price castle at my grandparents’ house. I carefully arranged all the plastic figures inside and built an intricate scene.

My two year old sister was creeping closer. I was anxiously blocking her because she did not share my methodical, orderly play preferences. My grandpa asked why I wouldn’t let her play. I told him, “Grandpa, she’s going to mess everything up!”

With a mischievous glint in his eye, he said, “Oh, no she won’t.”

“Ooookay,” I sighed.

Within seconds, she had successfully “messed everything up” as I had predicted. I looked back at my grandpa and said, “See? I told you.”

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I’m not sure where this idea of cultivating a “perfect” life orginated. Maybe we can blame pinterest or facebook, but I’m sure this pressure existed before that.

We are taught that there is a right way to do things, an ideal that we should want for our lives. If we’re honest, I’m sure we all want to live happy, productive lives.

But what if God intends for our lives to be more than simply “happy” or “productive”? What if He plans to “mess everything up”? To derail our plans.

{Spoiler alert: that’s exactly what He wants to do!}

Perhaps…

…we have a calling to give generously, but voices chide that it is foolish

…we have a calling to adopt, but voices warn us that it will bring heartache. 

….we have a calling to recklessly engage in community, but voices whisper that it will be messy.

…we have a calling to advocate for justice, but voices shout that it will make people uncomfortable.

There could be something that God is calling you into that you don’t even want to acknowledge. When you think about it, your stomach tightens and you want to change the subject, fast.

You could ignore it and persist in building a “good” life. (Like the silly plastic castle scene I had devised as playtime perfection as a child.) 

Or obey the call that looks like it will “mess everything up”, but it is the way to a better life–the Way, the Truth, and the Life. His way will open up a door to something you never could have imagined for yourself.

But that’s exactly where fear holds us back! Sometimes we’re more comfortable with our plastic castle, our way of doing things.

Even though it scares me and I’ll probably have to recommit to this several times each week… 

I’m choosing to let Him mess everything up.

How about you?

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Dear God,

If we’ve asked you to be our Savior, help us release our will,

and let you be our Lord, our Leader.

Help us to focus on your voice alone.

Surround us with others who can encourage us and support us as we strive to live for you.

In your name, Amen.

You’re OK.

I went to a small Christian college. I followed the rules. I was involved. I was enthusiastic. So it was a logical next step for me to apply to become a resident assistant (RA). The position of RA was very popular on our campus and came with a sort of prestige. {It was a very small school.}

The process of selecting RAs involved multiple levels of tests and interviews. From a written application, recommendations, tests, group interviews, individual interviews. My RA that year was a friend and she was encouraging me through the whole process. After 2-3 weeks, the pool of applicants had become smaller and I was sure that I’d be a part of residence life the next year.

The tradition was for current RAs to “kidnap” the selected RAs for the next year at night and go to some sort of initiation ceremony. The night the kidnapping was to take place, my RA gave me a sly smile and knowingly said she’d see me later.

That night I was asleep until I heard some noise in the hallway of our dorm. I laid in bed wondering… I heard doors opening, girls whispering, giggling, running, and then the noise passed over my room. I let out a heavy sigh and wondered why.

I haven’t had many moments in my life where I’ve heard God speak to me spontaneously, but in that moment He did. All I heard were two words repeated twice: You’re OK.

In that moment, I couldn’t hear any verbose, proclamations of the greatness of who I am as a daughter of Christ, all I was able to hear were those simple words. That was enough.

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Just like a child who hears that he is loved, needs to know that he is liked by his parents, sometimes we need to be reminded that we are OK.

This affirmation is so simple but there is a deep place in us wondering, “Am I OK?”

Especially when we go through setbacks or when our plans fall short. God is with us in those lonely, vulnerable moments telling us that we are OK.

What is OK?

OK means being on the right track, don’t give up, you are not alone, God is responsible for your end result.

So listen carefully…

You. Are. OK.

Dear God,

You see our hearts, and all the bruised, broken places therein.

Be near to the brokenhearted, the disappointed, the lonely, the ones about to give up.

Help this reality of being OK, sink deep within us.

Heal our hearts, so that we can pursue more of you.

In your name, Amen.